The 5 commenters typically found on news sites

1. The Lister

Has more talking points than John McCain and isn't afraid to share them.

Typical comment: "You are wrong and I have 10 reasons why. Number 1..."

2. The Colage Proffeser

Thinks they are smarter than every else and uses ten dollar words to prove it — except they are often comically misspelled.

Typical comment: "You all are so nieve. Your asersions are apolling."

3. The Essayist

Writes comments that take several scroll lengths to read; includes detailed rebuttals to every previous comment.

Typical comment: "And to the person who said [XYZ], research clearly shows..."

4. The Toddler

Hurls profanity-laced and horribly misspelled insults at fellow commenters. Thinks everyone, including the writer, sux.

Typical comment: "OMG WTF U all r so stoopid!!!!!!!!!!"

5. The Martin Luther King

Typical comment: "Can't we all get along?"